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F.A.Q.s

(frequently asked questions)

or 101 reasons (well, almost)

why you should

 

[re]search my trash - the premier trash film database

 

 

 

What does the site contain ? ... & what doesn't it contain ?

 

I am trying to review pretty much every kind of film that is somehow a little outside of the mainstream, be it too trashy, sleazy, wild or too exotic to get much coverage elsewhere ... & to top it off, I have sprinkled some randomly chosen episodes of tv-series into the mix, too, to paint a fuller picture.

My main focus though is on narratively driven, fictuous film, so that does exclude documentaries & also Mondo-movies, at least at the moment, as I don't really have the time to get into this. Also excluded are by & large short films & silent films, as both these types of film would deserve an extra kind of attention & background knowledge that for now I am not able to provide. However, for all these exclusions there are & will be exceptions ... 

Also I will probably not be doing too many reviews of Hollywood romantic comedies, love-stories or Danielle Steele-adaptations as I feel myself too heavily biased against them to form an objective opinion.

 

Who is this site for ?

 

Well, I do hope for everybody, but realistically, I aim first & foremost at the common trash-film fan, who is ready to broaden his horizons into directions that are usually not suggested by your neighbourhood fanzine. 

Secondly, this site is for the researcher into the realms of the (cinematic) unusual, who wants to get background info on hard-to-find, virtually unknown or purposely neglected films.

Thirdly, I also hope to be interesting enough for the common movie watcher who has become fed up with the insignificant fare the moviehouses do offer nowadays & bored by the stuff they play on the tv ...

 

On what (higher knowledge) are you reviews based ?

 

Of course, first & foremost my reviews are based on my personal tastes, & some of my comments will bewilder fellow film fans (best example would be my refusal to label Plan 9 from Outer Space the worst movie of all times, as it gave me tremendous joy even on repeated watching). However I have been privately studying the topic for a good part of 20 years, so I think my views are what you could call learned opinions, even if some of them (at least I hope) will seem rather weird.

 

I have made a movie. Will you review it ?

 

Sure.

Well, sure but ...

First of I have to of course get hold of the movie, & the best way to ensure it is for you to send it to me (click here for adress). 

Secondly, if you send me, only send DVD's or VCD's if you must, no tapes. That's not only for my comfort, it ultimately will make sense to you too: Tapes are dieing out fast, & for a good reason, they are more expensive, more difficult to reproduce, take up more space to store, are more expensive to send, & immediately show signs of wear. So even if you consider yourself a bloody beginner, do yourself a favour & get intimate with that (not so) new technology. Before long, you will see why, you might even want to thank me.

Thirdly (& that's probably most important), you have to fit in with the (not really narrow) parameters of my site: 

-) as I'm not reviewing shorts, the film has to have feature, or near-feature length (I'd say about 40 minutes & up).
-) I won't review documentaries or mondo-stuff, & there has to be some narrative framework, meaning I'm not interested in reviewing a film of 2 1/2 hours of landscapes &/or animal intestines shown to meditative music.
-) same goes for hardcore porn: I'm not interested in a film that just shows you shagging your gorgeous girlfriend, if that is all the film is about (well, if she's really as gorgeous as you say, I would be interested in seeing it, but I see no point in reviewing it, what am I supposed to write anyways "she's a moaner" or "she was clearly faking it" ?). However, if your movie tells a story during which you have to shag your gorgeous girlfriend (or any other gorgeous girl) & show it in every glorious detail, that's a different matter altogether - sex is not narration, but narration might necessitate sex. Put in simpler terms, if you want to shag on camera, find an excuse to do so first. Of course, even if you shag the most gorgeous girl in the world, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll give you thumbs up (though other parts of me might be up).
 
Is there any way I can support your site ?

 

Ah, finally an easy question. Indeed there are quite some ways to support the site, click here for full details.

The easiest way to support my site though might be using the buying links I have provided for you throughout the site & buy from one of my partner shops (click here on information about my partnershops).

I get a percentage from the complete sale generated through one of my links (even if you did not by the product I tried to promote). 

... so even if you want a washing machine from any of the amazons (I think they sell them now), buy it by coming through here. As a matter of fact, yeah, buy more washing machines, you know you want them ...

 

Do your reviews contain Spoilers ?

 

Of Course, yes yes & double yes !!!

I am not selling you teasers to some films but provide carefully researched reviews, & in many cases one just cannot write a profound review of a film without giving away the ending in the process. However, nice person that I am I leave it to you if you read all of the synopsis or skip to the verdict after reading half of it/any of it.

It's save to say though that you can't spoil a good movie, even if you give away pretty much every twist & turn, a good movie should stand for itself.

 

Will you review DVD-extras, judge movies by their dubbing/subtitling, or will you endlessly rant on about meaningless cuts ?

 

Nope.

DVDs get re-issued way too foften to keep track with all the extras, and if the film sucks, I won't even watch the extras anyways (as many of the extras are overlong making-ofs anyways that hold no information).

Bad dubbing/subtitling cannot sink a good film (not that this is an invitation to make bad dubs or subtitles), & if you didn't like either, chances are you just didn't like the film.

... & cuts - it's a shame some censors think it's enough to cut certain films to reduce the violence on the streets, that's just silly - but it's equally silly to think an especially gory film would automatically be any good ... most of them (not all of them) suck, actually, & are nothing more than provocation for the provocation's sake. A good film doesn't need any gore or intestines, not even explicit sex (did I just say that ?) ... however, it doesn't necessarily hurt either.

Summing this up, I have tried to (& will continue to do so) review film on their generic merits, & neither DVD-extras, nor subtitles or dubbing, nor cuts are generic but only imposed upon a movie by in most cases someone who has not had anything to do with the original filmmaking process, thus in my view neither of these belong into a proper, filmhistorical review (of course, there are always exceptions).

 

Why isn't the movie with that title I can't remember - the seminal film by that guy with the hair whose name must have slipped my mind - on your site ? 

 

Valid question indeed, & I have to confess, I don't really know, but bear in mind, I am just one person trying to tackle an incredibly vast field of information, so naturally that takes a bit of time (though I'm doing my best watching away movies like nobody's business). However, some films have just failed to make their way into my DVD-player - yet. So, if you are missing a movie on my site, just come back tomorrow, next week, next month, & there are some chances you will find whatever you are missing now.

If this waiting period is too painful for humble little you, just shoot me an e-mail, ( mikehaberfelner@hotmail.com ), there are some chances that I have whatever film you are waiting for collecting dust somewhere in my empire of shelves.

 

Why are you doing this ?

(also known as the Mike rants about the movie industry ... lots of blabla, best not to be read at all)

 

First (& most obvious) of all, I am a film lover, I always have been & chances are I always will be.That said though I have been vastly disappointed what Big-Budget-Hollywood output in recent years ... no, not disappointed, disgusted is the word I'm looking for. Big Budget Hollywood  has obviously lost all trust in its own creativity & puts out one meaningless remake of a renowned classic (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Dawn or the Dead, ...) or interesting foreign film (Ring, Godzilla, The Grudge, ...) after another or reverts to adapting lame 70's tv-series (Starsky & Hutch, Charlie's Angels, Mission Impossible, ...) or Computer games (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Dungeons & Dragons, ...) for the big screen ...

All this leaves the dedicated moviegoer with one big question: If you have one of the most powerful means to bring your visions to the public - why do you make any effort possible to be unoriginal.

The advent of CGI-effects is another of these things that big budget Hollywood has completely blown. Mind you, by now it's used in every other big budget actioner - regardless if needed or not - but to the most tiresome results. It seems that all these crappy computers are good for is to give us better explosions & let some dinos hop through some cities. & to not confuse the viewers too much, why don't we have all the explosions look alike, the dinos look alike & the cities look alike. Just let us not even scratch the surface of the creative possibilities CGI effects may offer.

Best example: Polar Express (which earned a tidy profit in the Christmas season of 2004, but by the time you might read this, the film is probably totally forgotten), a film that prided itself to push the boundaries of computer effects & be the first to use a process called motion capture. The result couldn't be more tiresome: It's the story of a boy who has to relearn the true meaning of Christmas (now where have I heard that one before), with most of the characters (thanks to motion capture) played by Tom Hanks (Hell hath no Fury ...)

 

But enough complaining. Is there nothing interesting out there ?

Of course there is, & plenty so, it's just a question of turning away from the evil spell of big budget Hollywood that tries to tell us that this is as good as it gets, & dig elsewhere ... not only geographically.

(re)search my trash is offering reviews to a wide array of movies from around the world,  the good, the bad & the ugly, with in-depth-analysis, based on dilligent research as well as my own opinions.

(re)search my trash dares to go back in time up to the beginning of the sound-era to analyze old, neglected, forgotten gems of yesteryear as well as gems & stinkers from today.

(re)search my trash even dares to break a taboo for most self-obsessed film critics/historians, & offers reviews of some tv-shows, & not just in form of flippant remarks but by episode, taken by their own value. In doing so, I make an attempt at giving some of the shows their place in cinematic history.


Thanks for watching !!!

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

Amazon

Amazon UK

Vimeo

 

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!