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Vampire Hookers
Ladies of the Night / Night of the Bloodsuckers / Sensuous Vampires / Twice Bitten

Philippines/USA 1978
produced by
Robert E.Waters for Cosa Nueva
directed by Cirio H.Santiago
starring John Carradine, Bruce Fairbairn, Trey Wilson, Karen Stride, Lenka Novak, Katie Dolan, Vic Diaz, Leo Martinez, Lex Witner, Irving Glick, Mark Campbell
written by Howard R.Cohen, music by Jaime Mendoza-Nava

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Sailors on shoreleave Tom (Bruce Fairbairn) and Terry (Trey Wilson) want to have a night on the town in Manila, but first they run into all the wrong kind of folks (like transvestite hookers and a bunch of robbers just waiting to rob naive sailors blind) - but then they find Cherish (Karen Stride), an extremely attractive prostitute - and somehow, they lose her to their captain (Lex Winter). The next day, the captain is gone, and when Tom and Terry go looking for him they find neither him, nor Cherish, nor the cabbie Julio (Leo Martinez) who hooked him up with Cherish. They start to worry ...

And they very well should be worried, because Cherish is part of a trio of vampire girls (the other girls being played by Lenka Novak and Katie Dolan) who reside at the local cemetary together with their poetry reciting vampire master Richmond Reed (John Carradine), and who regularly lure sailors and the like into their lair to feed off their blood.

It's only about a week later that Tom and Terry witness Cherish snatching another sailor off the streets and bringing him back to the cemetary, and they also find out the whole truth - but almost fall prey to the vampires themselves if it wasn't for sunrise.

Tom and Terry report this to the authorities of course, but fat chance they believe in vampires.

Eventually, Tom walks into the vampires' lair on his own, and of course he is captured ... but he's lucky, the vampire girls all suffer from sexual deprivation, and they figure Tom can help out - and since the girls are all pretty attractive, he agrees to shag all of them, repeatedly.

When Tom doesn't return from the graveyard, Terry gets worried, reads up on vampires, arms himself, hooks up with cabbie Julio, and pays a visit to the graveyard. However, Terry's raid was less than well-planned, and it almost turns out to be a massive failure when he walks from one trap into the next, but then the vampires' servant and guard Pavo (Vic Diaz) messes everything up and actually wrecks the vampires' mausoleum accidently and single-handedly, and all the vampires are somehow killed in the process. And what's better yet, Terry manages to save Tom. Only when he and Tom are in the cab driving away does Terry notice a major flaw in his mission - basically, both Tom and Julio are vampires ...

 

If my synopsis sounds a tad silly, the only excuse I can give is that it's intended to be a comedy. But while it's at points mildly funny, it's just not a very good one. Basically, only John Carradine is really funny, having no problem to mock his own image, while Vic Diaz tries but his performance is hampered by a busload too many fart jokes. The leads Bruce Fairbairn and Trey Wilson on the other hand don't seem to have a funny bone in their bodies and are not really helped by the script, either, and the girls ... well, they are mainly there to show their tits. They're pretty tough.

In all, I'm sure you have seen worse vampire comedies (I know I did), but that's no real reason to watch this one. The title Vampire Hookers taken by its own merits however is appealing in its bluntness, and if titles of this ilk are your sort of thing, you'll probably need to watch this no matter what I say (I know I did).

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Robots and rats,
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shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
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On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD