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Sailors on shoreleave Tom (Bruce Fairbairn) and Terry (Trey Wilson)
want to have a night on the town in Manila, but first they run into all
the wrong kind of folks (like transvestite hookers and a bunch of robbers
just waiting to rob naive sailors blind) - but then they find Cherish
(Karen Stride), an extremely attractive prostitute - and somehow, they
lose her to their captain (Lex Winter). The next day, the captain is gone,
and when Tom and Terry go looking for him they find neither him, nor
Cherish, nor the cabbie Julio (Leo Martinez) who hooked him up with
Cherish. They start to worry ...
And they very well should be worried,
because Cherish is part of a trio of vampire girls (the other girls being
played by Lenka Novak and Katie Dolan) who reside at the local cemetary
together with their poetry reciting vampire master Richmond Reed (John
Carradine), and who regularly lure sailors and the like into their lair to
feed off their blood.
It's only about a week later that Tom and Terry
witness Cherish snatching another sailor off the streets and bringing him
back to the cemetary, and they also find out the whole truth - but almost
fall prey to the vampires themselves if it wasn't for sunrise.
Terry report this to the authorities of course, but fat chance they
believe in vampires.
Eventually, Tom walks into the vampires' lair on
his own, and of course he is captured ... but he's lucky, the vampire
girls all suffer from sexual deprivation, and they figure Tom can help out
- and since the girls are all pretty attractive, he agrees to shag all of
When Tom doesn't return from the graveyard, Terry gets
worried, reads up on vampires, arms himself, hooks up with cabbie Julio,
and pays a visit to the graveyard. However, Terry's raid was less than
well-planned, and it almost turns out to be a massive failure when he
walks from one trap into the next, but then the vampires' servant and
guard Pavo (Vic Diaz) messes everything up and actually wrecks the
vampires' mausoleum accidently and single-handedly, and all the vampires
are somehow killed in the process. And what's better yet, Terry manages to
save Tom. Only when he and Tom are in the cab driving away does Terry
notice a major flaw in his mission - basically, both Tom and Julio are
If my synopsis sounds a tad silly, the only excuse
I can give is that it's intended to be a comedy. But while it's at points
mildly funny, it's just not a very good one. Basically, only John
Carradine is really funny, having no problem to mock his own image, while
Vic Diaz tries but his performance is hampered by a busload too many fart
jokes. The leads Bruce Fairbairn and Trey Wilson on the other hand don't
seem to have a funny bone in their bodies and are not really helped by the
script, either, and the girls ... well, they are mainly there to show
their tits. They're pretty tough.
In all, I'm sure you have seen worse
vampire comedies (I know I did), but that's no real reason to watch this
one. The title Vampire Hookers taken by its own merits however is
appealing in its bluntness, and if titles of this ilk are your sort of
thing, you'll probably need to watch this no matter what I say (I know I