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Sexy Adventures of Van Helsing

USA 2004
produced by
Michael Raso (= Michael Beckerman) for ei Independent Cinema (Seduction)
directed by Max Von Diesel
starring Erika Smith, Darian Caine, Bob MacKay, A.J.Khan, Isadora Edison, Andrea Davis, Tatiana Stone, Caitlin Ross, David Fine, John Samuel Jordan, Justin Wingenfeld, Misty Mundae (= Erin Brown) (stock footage)
story by John Bacchus, Helen Black, story & screenplay by Max Von Diesel, Bruce G. Hallenbeck, Clancy Fitzsimmons

Dracoola, Van Helsing

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Available on DVD !

To buy, click on link(s) below and help keep this site afloat

Always make sure of DVD-compatibility !!!
Nerdy Wilhelmina Van Helsing (Erika Smith) is extremely nervous around boys, she even fears them. On the other hand she has erotic dreams about the only (female) friend she has, seductive Philomenia (A.J.Khan). One day, after having blown yet another conversation with a boy, Wilhelmina finds herself wandering around the local graveyard, where she meets her great great granduncle Abe (Bob MacKay), who originated the Van Helsing vampire slayer tradition, but is now (of course) dead. However, since he can still appear to Wilhelmina as a ghost, he tells her that it is her destiny to kill Dracula's daughter, Dracoola (Darian Caine), who as it happens, lies in her crypt just a few feet away.

However, when Wilhelmina tries to stake Dracoola with her pensil, she has to notice that the vampire has no intention to be staked, instead Dracoola hypnotizes her to bring her virgins, & since, according to Wilhelmina's logic, the only virgins around are lesbians, she offers to bring Dracoola a host of lesbians, whom she collects after peeping through a few windows, behind each of which something naughty is going on.

Abe, appearing to Wilhelmina again, is furious that she, instead of killing Dracoola, is feeding her, but she telöls him 2 things: first she has a plan, & second, she thinks she's a lesbian as well.

So, after Dracoola had a little bit of fun with her lesbians, Wilhelmina hands her an after-sex pizza, not telling her of course that it's a garlic pizza, & when Dracoola is put out of action, Wilhelmina stakes her with a dildo.

 

Pretty much a remake of John Bacchus'  Vampire Seduction from 1998 - the first real success for Seduction Cinema - Sexy Adventures ... follows pretty much the same lines, having a nerd (this time a girl) watching & collecting lesbians. That the movie doesn't really work all that well is mainly thanks to Erika Smith's annoying & amateurish central performance, that just isn't funny. Darian Caine, A.J.Khan & Bob MacKay on the other hand all give hilarious performances.

The footage with Misty Mundae (who otherwise isn't in the movie) is from Lord of the G-Strings.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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USA  amazon.com

Great Britain (a.k.a. the United Kingdom)  amazon.co.uk

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Thanks for watching !!!

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!

 

 

 

On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD