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The Ring of the Musketeers
Der Ring der Musketiere

USA / Germany 1992
produced by
Brad Krevoy, Steven Stabler, Joel Surnow (executive) for Motion Picture Corporation of America/RTL
directed by John Paragon
starring David Hasselhoff, Thomas Gottschalk, Cheech Marin, Alison Doody, John Rhys-Davies, Corbin Bernsen, Russ Armstrong, Conrad Bachmann, Frances Buchsbaum, Richard E. Butler, George Christy, Erik Cord, Marklen Kennedy, Catherine E. Coulson, Brian Hayes Currie, Scott Dockstader, Christopher Doyle, Tony Ganios, Michael V. Gazzo, Kathe Osborne, Mark Haddock, Steve Haigh, Scott Jaeck, Loren Janes, Bradley Jenkel, Cecile Krevoy, Michael Ray Lee, Julius LeFlore, Chauncey Leopardi, Kathe Lepire, Tony Maggio, Marie Marshall, Mariana Morgan, Ed Mitchell, Trever O'Brien, John Paragon, Jill Pierce, Branscombe Richmond, Andy Romano, David Speaker, Timothy Stack, Brian Curry, Lynne Marie Stewart, Jim Wilkey, Autumn Winters, Yetta, Tito Larriva, Frank Pesce, Cassandra Peterson, Ricky Jay, Edie McClurg
written by John Paragon, Joel Surnow, music by Marcus Barone

TV miniseries
Three Musketeers

review by
Mike Haberfelner

Bad man Pellito (Andy Romano) has kidnapped the son (Trevor O'Brien) of Melody (Marie Marshall), just to make her brother Ross (Scott Jaeck), an air traffic controller, make a plane crash that's supposed to fly Murdock (Tony Maggio) a key witness in a trial against the Pellito organisation into town. But the three (motorbike riding) Musketeers, D'Artagnon (David Hasselhoff), Porthos (Thomas Gottschalk) and Athos (Alison Doody) are on the case, and ultimately free the boy - by (no joke) staging an impromptu David Hasselhoff concert. Now the Musketeers are all descendants of the original Musketeers, still doing good - for some reason in the US by now - in a secret organisation headed by Treville (John Rhys-Davies). But somehow the organisation has lost track of the Aramis family ... until Greg Aramis (Cheech Marin), a small-fry crook, pretty much pops up, and for some reason Treville insists on letting him in.

Back to the main story though, since Murdock  hasn't been killed in a plane crash, the Musketeers are in charge of his security and deliver him to the courthouse. This they successfully do, but as soon as the Feds take him out of the Musketeers hands, he gets assassinated. Now despite Treville's insistance on dropping the case, the Musketeers decide to have their revenge on Pellito, but their plan fails because ... there wasn't much of a plan, really. But they're soon in luck again thanks to Athos' ex Harry (Corbin Bernsen), an undercover cop on Pellito's trail who fears he's been found out and lured to a club to be assassinated. So the Musketeers get jobs at the club to protect Harry undercover. Now this thing turns weird when Harry kills his own hitman and makes an escape, and it turns out he's actually in Pellito's employ. But of course he gets his just desserts for having duped the Musketeers. And ultimately, the Musketeers get their revenge on Pellito, too, when he's to make a diamond drop-off to one of the mob bigwigs (Michael V. Gazzo), and they replace the diamonds for junk, setting him up for a mob-style execution ...

 

Now the cast alone sounds quite interesting, especially taking into account that Thomas Gottschalk (cast at German broadcaster RTL's insistance) was at the time (and probably still is 30 years later) Germany's most popular game show and talk show host (though his acting talents are limited). But really, as a whole this miniseries deserves little more than curiosity value, as it feels like just any other TV crime show, and lacks any really interesting characters to keep things together, as basically the Musketeers are just do-gooders with no real depth. And likewise their cases are interchangable with any other TV show, as are the situations they get in, their dialogue and anything else. So really, just a bland piece of work that unsusrprisingly enough has created little in terms of ripples upon release.

 

Note: Ring of the Musketeers exists as both a four part miniseries and a feature length condensed version. This review is based on the condensed version as the whole series is almost impossible to come by these days.

 

 

 

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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!

 

 

 

On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD