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The Oakley Seven
The 7

USA 2006
produced by
Blacky Bokich, Mark Ean, Alain Silver (executive) for Blackbear Films
directed by Blacky Bokich
starring Sandra Echeverría, Kelly Blatz, Alison MacInnis, Walter Perez, Dani Miura, Carrie Finklea, Derek Craigie, Henry Czerny, Marco Rodríguez, Viviana Vigil, Alina Herrera, Philip Newby
written by Blacky Bokich, music by Carlos José Alvarez, special effects by Tom Devlin/1313 FX

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Highschool teacher and geologist Whitney (Henry Czerny) takes seven of his students - good girl Ana Maria (Sandra Echeverría), cool guy with a heart of gold Zeke (Kelly Blatz), blonde Jessica (Alison MacInnis), problem kid Lopez (Walter Perez), nerdy Janis (Dani Miura), and the couple that always wants to shag, Jock (Derek Craigie) and Cosmo (Carrie Finklea) - to investigate some caves in the middle of the desert. What he doesn't tell the kids of course is he has set out to study a new species he has found living down there. Bad thing is, he is the first to get slaughtered by the new species he has planned to study. The kids start to panic of course and try to make it out of the caves ... but nobody really knows the way, so the creature - some kind of winged dog we are told, and maybe even the legendary Chupacabra - picks them one by one and slaughters them. Ultimately, only Zeke and Ana Maria are left standing (surprise surprise), and they decide to try and launch a counter attack - which goes horribly wrong and leaves Zeke dead as well. Ana Maria finds an opening to get out of the caves, but while climbing up she comes face to face with the monster - and chases it away using the flashlight of her camera. Finally out, she finds herself in the middle of the desert, surrounded by miles and miles of nothing ...

 

Little more than your typical teen shocker with your typical cast of characters, who all die in exactly the sequence that seems to be cast into stone for this kind of film - so much so that you can tell who's dying when and who's surviving when the characters are introduced before the action even starts. Add to this a directorial effort that is neither inventive nor atmospheric, goes out of its way to avoid originality and makes the least of the film's cave locations, and an uncharismatic ensemble cast, and you are left with - well, 80+ minutes of boredom.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

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Robots and rats,
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Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
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a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
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Tales to Chill
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