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La Lengua Asesina

The Killer Tongue

Spain/UK 1996
produced by
Christopher Figg, Andrés Vicente Bómez, Michael Cowan (executive), Jason Piette (executive), Volkert Struycken (executive) for Lolafilms, Spice Factory, Sogetel, Noel Gay Motion Picture Company/canal+
directed by Alberto Sciamma
starring Melinda Clarke, Jason Durr, Robert Englund, Mapi Galán, Michael Cule, Nigel Whitmey, Stephen Marcus, Richard Waters, Tusse Silberg, Kimberly, Danny Edwards, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Doug Bradley, David Dale, Terry Forestal, Ricardo Fraguas, Alicia Garrigues, Mabel Karr, Luchi López, José Truchado, Edward Tudor-Pole, Alicia Borrachero, John Hampden
written by Alberto Sciamma, music by Fangoria, special effects by Dave Bonneywell, animatronics by Jason McCameron

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Four years ago, Candy (Melinda Clarke) and Johnny (Jason Durr) robbed a bank, but then Johnny got caought and went to prison while Candy hid out in a convent/gas station in the New Mexico desert.

Now though, Johnny is to be released in four days, and Candy leaves the convent, and all that's left to do for Johnny, it seems, is to not fall out with the sadistic warden (Robert Englund) while Candy has to fight off two former accomplices (Michael Cule, Nigel Whitmey) they tricked out of their share ... which is when a meteor hits the earth, and somehow, Candy actually eats some of it with her soup while her dogs, four ugly poodles, get some in their food as well - and poof, the four poodles turn into humans, and not only that, drag queens as well, while Candy grows a several feet long, carnivorous tongue that has a mind of its own, can talk and has a predilection for eating humans. At first, Candy totally freaks out and tries to get rid of the tongue, but gradually she accepts it, and the two even become lovers (!) ...

At the same time, the warden thinks of more and more tricks to keep Johnny from being released, which ultimately leads to Johnny's only moderately successful escape as well as Candy laying waste to the prison he was at ...

Johnny ends up in the desert, gravely injured when he meets nun Rita (Mapi Galán), who has developed healing powers thanks to the meteor - and the two end up in bed in the middle of the desert doing you-know-what, when Candy finally catches up with Johnny, and finding him shagging Rita - even if it's only for healing purposes - immediately cools off her feelings towards him and she now wants him dead.

The ending has Johnny and Rita teaming up with the Rita's fellow nuns and of all people the warden to fight Candy and her drag queens.

It all ends with the drag queens being blown up and Candy's tongue being chopped off, which turns her back to normal - but still, Johnny decides to stay with Rita, who has after all saved his life in the desert ...

 

I have to admit, the stills, the artwork and the trailers of this film look amazing, Melinda Clarke in a black latex outfit with a tongue of several feet is a sight for sore eyes, and Mapi Galán in ever briefer and more fetishistic outfits is quite a piece of eyecandy as well. And quite apart from that, to people like me, a film about a woman with an elongated carnivorous tongue promises great entertainment.

Unfortunately though, Killer Tongue does not live up to its promises, instead of relying on its great basic premise, the film tries everything to be especially funny, no silly joke is left out, bathroom humour roams wild in the film, all performers play it totally over-the-top, sometimes painfully so, plus the script seems to lose direction several times along the way, and apart from all that, the last thing a film about a woman with a killer tongue needs is bad drag queens.

A pity, this one could have been so good.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Tales to Chill
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Tales to Chill
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Out now from
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On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD