20 years ago, some gruesome murders happened at Camp Crystal. Now, the camp is to be opened again - meaning a bunch of stupid college kids acting as counsellors are supposed to touch it up. Of course, the killing starts again, pretty much along the old "who has sex gets the axe"-guidelines (actually I should have trademarked this phrase, it sounds exactly like one of these lines you are just bound to find on a poster for a slasher-movie - come to think of it, maybe that's where I found it in the first place ...). But who could the killer be ? Crazy Ralph ? - Well no, that would be too obvious, & that he's killed, too, doesn't make him any guiltier. Then maybe ... hey wait a little, he is the only suspect, and if it wasn't him ... anyways, only virginal Alice (Adrienne King - you know the type, uptight, old fashioned cloths, Princess Di-hairdo, pretty much uptight & motherly, never shows her thingies) manages to stay alive after much slaughter, & in the end she meets Mrs. Voorhees (Betsy Palmer - she didn't feature in the film beforehands), who lost her son Jason some 20 years ago - he drowned when 2 counsellors didn't perform their duties but had sex instead -, & now she delights in killing counsellors. Of course, in the end Alice manages to kill her in self defense ... but was that Jason emerging from the lake in one of the films last scenes.

It's rather surprising that this was one of the biggest grossing horror-movies of its time, and 10 (!) sequels to date prove that it had staying powers. But success aside, the movie is disappointingly mediocre, the story is very feeble & pretty formulaic even for its time (and it was among the first wave of slasher-movies), the characters are weak, played by so-so actors, the suspense is moderately handled & the gore effects are - while not really harmless - not really that gruesome, either. All in all, it's nowhere nearly as memorable as the movies it copies from, be it Halloween, Psycho or the gore-films of Herschell Gordon Lewis - but then again, around the same time the blatant Flash Gordon-rip-off Star Wars was the biggest grossing sci fi-movie - & Friday the 13th wasn't nearly as unremarkable, either.

review � by Mike Haberfelner

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
is all of that.

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to -
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

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