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TITanic 2000
Scary Sexy Disaster Movie / Vampire of the TITanic / Titanic 2000: A Vampire's Lust is Unsinkable
USA 1999
produced by
Michael Beckerman (= Michael Raso), John P.Fedele for ei Independent Cinema (Seduction)
directed by John P.Fedele
starring Tammy Parks, Tina Krause, Elizabeth Cintron, David Fine, Bob MacKay, Roxanne Michaels (= Jasi Cotton Lanier), Suzanne Lenore, Michael R.Thomas, Jacob Borgert, Zachary Winston Snygg (= John Bacchus), Jeffrey Faoro, Joseph Prussak, Peter O'Hara, Pete Jacelone, William Hellfire, Joey Smack, Misty Mundae (= Erin Brown), Paige Turner, John Link, John P.Fedele, Jon Fidelli, Mickey Ovum, Michael Raso, J.Feefifofumdedi, Zippy, Fred Mekeel, Nathan Lanman, Kyle LaFerrera
story by Michael Raso, screenplay by Clancy Fitzsimmons (= John P.Fedele), Joe Ned, digital effects by Frank Terranova
Titanic
review by
Mike Haberfelner
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Decades after the mishap with the original Titanic, a millionair (David
Fine) decides to give the concept of an unsinkable ship another try with
the Titanic 2000 - but to make the whole thing a bit more entertaining, he
also decides to cut a few corners here and there. Shari (Tina Krause) is
one of the passengers on the Titanic 2000's maiden voyage, accompanying
her rockstar boyfriend Glitter Bolan (John P.Fedele), but grows more and
more desperate the longer the trip lasts because Glitter doesn't show the
slightest interest in her, and way too much interest in boozing. So
eventually she lets an artist (John Bacchus) talk her into posing naked
for him ... and it's too late she notices he just wants to take advantage
of her. Then Shari makes the acquaintance of Vladiminia (Tammy Parks), a
woman whose feelings towards her are clearly more than only amical ... but
Shari gets freaked out when Vladiminia shows her (in a lesbian sex scene
with Roxanne Michaels) that she is actually a vampire from Staten Island.
Shari runs away but has nowhere to go to. Vladiminia meanwhile is attacked
by a shipmate (John Link) who doubles as vampire hunter, but when he tries
to stake her, he only punctures the hull of the ship, which then slowly
fills with water. Vladiminia knows she must save Shari because she wants
to spend eternity with her, and once she has gotten her off the ship, it's
easy to persuade her to be vampirized - after all, the Titanic 2000 did
not come equipped with lifeboats, and if you're not one of the undead
chances are high you'll die before too long ... Lots of Seduction-regulars show up in small roles in this one,
including Misty Mundae, William Hellfire and Joey Smack making up the
ship's band, with Hellfire also playing the captain's transvestite lover,
both the captain and one of Vladimina's servants is played by Michael
R.Thomas, and Jeffrey Faoro plays the guy who is constantly warning everybody (in vain)
that the ship is going to sink ... A totally silly but at the
same time highly enjoyable film. Basically, the concept alone - to make a
parody of James Cameron's Titanic garnered with vampires and a bit
of lesbian sex - sounds great, but also prone to failure, but the film is
really carried by a devil-may-care stupid plot, some genuinely funny
dialogue, and an ensemble cast (especially the likes of Tina Krause, John
P.Fedele, John Bacchus, John Link, Michael R.Thomas) with a knack for
comedy, plus some laughably cheap special effects (after all, how are you
going to top the effects of Cameron's Titanic on a shoestring
anyways?). The result is very probably not the best film you've ever
seen, but lots of fun anyways, and an almost-perfect party movie.
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