One night on a Mountain Road, Ellen (Bree Turner) crashes into another car ... to find its driver gone - and after a bit of investigation, she finds the driver (Heather Feeney) being dragged off by a terribly disfigured hunk of a man (John De Santis) who is threateningly wielding his knife - and instantly Ellen realizes she is to be his next victim.

Of course she is right, as the monster man is after her in no time. But Ellen is all but defenseless, she is not merely running away, she is building death traps for her pursuer out of nothing in no small amount ...

How has she learned it though ?

Why, from her husband Bruce (Ethan Embry), a survival fanatic who has trained her in all sorts of self defense and made her a downright fighter ... but ultimately, his fanatism mixed with a growing paranoia and more and more demands towards her led to a big fight and their breakup ...

Back in the now, one of Ellen's traps backfires, and ultimately she ends up chained to a post in monster man's home, surrounded by mummified corpses and a living old guy, Buddy (Angus Scrimm), who seems to be totally out of it. However, Ellen just won't give up and ultimately she manages to free herself from her handcuffs and engage the monsterman in a fight that ends when she throws him off the cliffs to his death ...

Then, Ellen returns to her car and opens the trunk ... in which she keeps dead Bruce, whom she has killed in a marital dispute that got ugly (he tried to rape her). She drags Bruce's body to the monsterman's house and hides him with all the other corpses. Then she draws a gun she found at monsterman's house and puts crazy Buddy out of his misery. So though monsterman is gone, the monster still seems to be around, albeit in female form ...

Perhaps the best episode of Masters of Horror, a little film that borrows in equal parts from Texas Chainsaw Massacre and First Blood but still manages to remain wholly original and with a typical short story twist ending turns the whole story topsy turvey in the end. Plus this is one of the few episodes of the series that is really creepy.

Actually pretty good.

review � by Mike Haberfelner

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

now streaming at

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Vimeo

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
is all of that.

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to -
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

Out now from
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