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Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park
Attack of the Phantoms
USA 1978
produced by Terry Morse jr, Bill Aucoin (executive), Joseph Barbera (executive) for Hanna-Barbera, Kiss/Aucoin Productions/NBC
directed by Gordon Hessler
starring Kiss (= Peter Criss, Ace Frehley, Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley), Anthony Zerbe, Carmine Caridi, Deborah Ryan, John Dennis Johnston, John Lisbon Wood, Lisa Jane Persky, John Chappell, Terry Lester, Don Steele, Richard Hein, Brion James, Mary Kay Morse, Sandra Pann, Bill Hudson, Leon Delaney, Steve Boyum, Jim Connors, Billy Hank Hooker
written by Jan Michael Sherman, Don Buday, music by Hoyt Curtin, songs performed by Kiss
Frankenstein (cameo), Dracula (cameo)
review by Mike Haberfelner
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Calvin Richards' (Carmine Caridi) amusement park is failing, but a
series of gigs by then super-popular hard rock band Kiss (Peter Criss, Ace
Frehley, Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley) is to turn things around - much to
the dismay of the park's chief technician Abner Devereaux (Anthony Zerbe),
who thinks the money spent on Kiss should be spent on developing new
attractions and updating the present ones instead. Sam (Terry Lester)
works for Devereaux - until one day he disappears. This is much to the
distress of his girlfriend Melissa (Deborah Ryan), who desperately tries
to find him but is given absolutely no assistance by park security, and
when she talks to Devereaux, she finds him oddly evasive. Only the boys
from Kiss prove sympathetic to her, and it proves they're actually
superheroes, their powers given to them by a talisman from outer space.
Devereaux, who's of course a mad scientist, gets wind of this talisman and
figures it would give him absolute power, so he lures Kiss to his lair
while sending a robotized Sam out to go fetch the talisman from Kiss's
hangout. Of course, Devereaux has spiked the way to his headquarters with
challenges, so Kiss have to first fight a gang of monkey-like androids,
then martial arts androids, before in the house of horrors, they're
attacked by all kinds of monsters, including robotic versions of Dracula
(Steve Boyum), Frankenstein (Jim Connors) and the Mummy (Billy Hank
Hooker). And it's in the house of horrors that Kiss lose their superpowers
due to Devereaux having gotten hold of the talisman. They're incarcerated,
and their android doubles are sent out to perform in their stead - and
badly, too, as it was Devereaux's plan to have fake Kiss perform badly
enough for their fans to revolt and wreak havoc on the whole amusement
park. It almost succeeds, too, but then by mere willpower, the real Kiss
get their hands back on the talisman and teleport onto stage to beat their
doubles to a pulp and play a concert that pacifies their fans. And in the
end, Devereaux's brain is fried while Sam is returned to normal and into
Melissa's arms. Now the idea to cast Kiss, who have always
played with horror elements, including in their outfits and makeup, in a
horror movie sure was an inspired one - but the outcome is decidedly less
so, as instead of giving the band some cool material to chew on, this one
feels like little more than a mediocre episode of Scooby-Doo
- and in that respect, it makes a lot of sense that Scooby's home Hanna-Barbera
has also produced this movie -, with Kiss pretty much performing the
duties of Mystery, Inc. in a story that's as bland as it's forgettable.
And of course the cheap looks of the whole thing don't help much, as while
director Gordon Hessler had Magic Mountain amusement park at his
disposal, but does very little with it - as his whole directorial effort
is best described as functional. Of course, that Kiss don't feel at ease
in front of the camera doesn't help one bit. But that all said, once Kiss
appear in this one (and the only do approximately half an hour in), it's
at least campy fun, so not a complete waste of time - just a waste of
opportunity. PS: In 2015, Kiss did actually appear together
with Scooby-Doo
in the animated Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery that's
actually also (partly) set in an amusement park.
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