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Hatchet

USA 2006
produced by
Scott Altomare, Sarah Elbert, Cory Neal, Roman Kindrachuk (executive), Andrew Mysko (executive) for ArieScope Pictures, High Seas Entertainment, Radioaktive Film
directed by Adam Green
starring Joel Moore, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond, Kane Hodder, Mercedes McNab, Parry Shen, Joel Murray, Joleigh Fioreavanti, Richard Riehle, Patrika Darbo, Robert Englund, Joshua Leonard, Tony Todd, John Carl Buechler, Rileah Vanderbilt, Adam Green, Lance Kelly, John Gross, Mckenzie Sims, Adam Weisman, Brandon Gonalves, Danielle Victor
written by Adam Green, music by Andy Garfield, special effects by John Carl Buechler, Magical Media Industries

Hatchet

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Because he has just been dumped by his girlfriend, Ben (Joel Moore) can't really enjoy the Mardi Gras in New Orleans and instead takes his friend Marcus (Deon Richmond) on a Haunted Swamp Tour - which pretty soon turns out to be nothing but a fraud ... until the tourship hits a rock far away from the city, and Marybeth (Tamara Feldman), a local who has joined the tour to look for her dad (Robert Englund) tells them there is a disfigured madman, Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder), roaming the countryside - and soon enough, the whole tourgroup has to realize the madman is now after them, picking them out one by one, and killing them in increasingly gruesome ways. And as if that wasn't bad enough, our good madman also cannot be killed in a regular fashion because he's only the spirit of a madman actually - but for some reason, he can still be hurt by whatever one throws at him.

Ultimately, everybody but Ben and Marybeth has ended up dead, and when the two manage to spear Victor, they think they have finally killed him (though I have no idea why they would think that), but when they later take off by boat, he attacks them out of the water and ... the end.

 

Despite featuring three slasher legends (Kane Hodder, Robert Englund, Tony Todd) in its cast, Hatchet is a rather pointless slasher movie that actually only features a by-the-numbers-plot with the occasional glimpses of irony doing little to lighten up the overall mood - though when I'm saying mood, I don't mean atmosphere (given the moody Louisiana settings, the film is remarkably devoid of any atmosphere) but the mood of the audience execting something, anything at all, to set this film apart from others of its ilk.

To be fair, the film isn't a total failure, it's just a ron-of-the-mill slasher - and one you probably won't remember having seen only a few days later -, not nearly as good as teh best of the genre, but also not as annoying as the bulk of the genre.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

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Robots and rats,
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Tales to Chill
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Tales to Chill
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the new anthology by
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