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Fauci Crudeli

Cruel Jaws
Jaws 5: Cruel Jaws / The Beast - Unheimliche Tiefe

Italy / USA 1995
produced by
John Kent for Europe Communications, Production Group
directed by Bruno Mattei (as William Snyder)
starring David Luther, George Barnes jr, Scott Silveria, Kirsten Urso, Richard Dew, Sky Palma}, [Norma J.Nesheim, Gregg Hood, Carter Collins, Natasha Etzer, Larry Zience, Jay Colligan, Perry Pirkanen
story by Robert Feen, Linda Morrison, screenplay by Bruno Mattei (as William Snyder), Robert Feen, Linda Morrison, music by Michael Morahan

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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You know how these stories go: There's this coastal town relying entirely on tourism, but then a shark attacks and kills a few people. Now one of these scientists (Gregg Hood) and the owner of the local aquarium (Richard Dew) - who looks a lot like Hulk Hogan by the way - want to close the beach, but the local bigshot hotel owner (George Barnes jr), who is of course financed by the mafia and has plans to legally take over the aquarium and turn it into another hotel, will have nothing of that because the annual regatta is just around the corner. Of course, the regatta turns into a massacre ...

There is also a Romeo and Juliet-like lovestory between Hulk Hogan's son (Scott Silveria) and the baddie's daughter (Natasha Etzer), and Hulk Hogan also has a wheelchair-bound daughter (Kirsten Urso), while the baddie's son (Carter Collins), runner-up in a Kurt Russell lookalike competition, is the town's main bully.

After the regatta massacre, everyone goes out sharkhunting, and Kurt Russell's party's boat ends in a shark-induced explosion, the local chief of police's (David Luther) helicopter is fished out of the air by the shark, and the mafia-sponsored sharkhunting boat is also sunk by shark related causes.

Only Hulk Hogan's boat prevails, because the scientist - who has by the way lost his girlfriend (Norma J.Nesheim) to the shark - figures out where the shark, by the way the result of a failed army experiment, must live, and then he and his friends blow the shark's home to Kingdom Come while the shark's in ...

 

Shark shockers, including Jaws, have never amazed me, mainly because their killer is restricted to the sea and is thus easy to avoid. To circumvent that restriction, elaborate plans are made up to get as many people as possible out to the sea to make a threat out of an easily avoidable menace, thus the audience is burdened with the same subplot (which wasn't even new in Jaws) over and over again, and with 2-dimensional characters that become more and more boring each time around.

Cruel Jaws is a late entry into the shark shocker genre, produced at a time when the plot had long outstayed its welcome, so that the plot no longer works at all is not really director Bruno Mattei's fault - or at least not his fault alone, he could at least have thought of a more effective ending and could have put a little more effort in creating suspense.

All of this is mainly to say, this is not a very good movie by any standards. Some fun can be derived at least from the fact that most of the shark footage was lifted from older shark films like Jaws, Jaws 2, Joe D'Amato's Deep Blood and Enzo G.Castellari's The Last Shark - which makes the animal look terribly uneven and hilariously different from shot to shot.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Thanks for watching !!!

 

 

In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

Amazon

Amazon UK

Vimeo

 

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
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