(re)Search my Trash

<body> <div align="left"> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" width="800" cellpadding="0" height="100%"> <tr> <td width="100" rowspan="2" background="../stylepix/square.gif" valign="top">  </td> <td width="4" rowspan="2"></td> <td width="592" valign="top"> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" width="592"> <tr> <td width="100%">  </td> </tr> </table>    <table border="0" cellspacing="0" width="255" align="right"> <tr> <td width="100%"> <p align="right"><img border="0" src="../stills/ificanthaveyou-poster.jpg" width="250" height="357"></td> </tr> </table> <p>Diane (Tennille Taraszkiewicz) is a psychologist who's on the berge of falling in love with Austin (Brian Boynton), a young and handsome patient of hers, and the feelings appear to be mutual - best exemplified when he kills a stalker (Harley Wallen) who's harrassing her, and she takes the blame for it, and is let off on grounds of self defense. But she also has an over-protective sister, Barb (Mandy Logsdon), who believes everybody's out to kill Diane and applies all means of (self-)defense to keep herself and Diane safe - even if her knowledge of how to defend oneself stems 100% from mediocre slasher movies. And then there's Oliver (Matthew Santia), Diane's assistant and gay best friend who's not at all fond of Austin for purely unreasonable, personal reasons. So trying to have a quiet date with Austin proves to be a tad difficult - even if one doesn't factor in Diane's psychopath son, River (Todd Calvin De Pew), who wants his mother for himself and tries to kill everybody who gets in his way - especially his mother's lovers ... <p> <p>Now it's quite obvious that <b>If I Can't Have You</b> takes quite a few pages out of the <b><i>Scream</i></b> playbook - what with Barb's obsession with slasher movies and her predilection for applying "lessons" learned from them to real life situations. But that said, <b>If I Can't Have You</b> is anything but a copycat movie, it's actually a pretty well-written horror comedy that neither suffocates its storyline in jokes nor just veers off into melodrama every now and again but finds the right balance between humour and horror, also thanks to a horror-savvvy direction. And a solid cast clearly in on the joke but not playing it just for laughs only helps making this pretty funny genre entertainment. </td> <td width="4" rowspan="2"></td> <td width="100" rowspan="2" background="../stylepix/squareright.gif" valign="top">  </td> </tr> <tr> <td width="592" valign="top">  <SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript"> currentyear = "2022"; </SCRIPT> <SCRIPT language="JavaScript" src="../scripts/endcredits.js"></SCRIPT> <SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript"> dosworsdonn(); </SCRIPT> </td> </tr> </table> </div> </body>