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In their spaceship, ass-tronauts Commadner Gaylor (Misty Mundae), Lt.
Pushkintucushin (Anoushka) and Lt. Fornication (Sharon Engert - a fake
blonde with a bad boob- and a bad lip-job who has spent way too much time
in the sun studio) crash onto the planet of the apes, where they before
long meet a local (human) girl, Uvala (Darian Caine), who like all the
humans on this planet is unable to speak ... and soon enough, they are
taken prisoners by the apes, led by Captain Laid (Zachary Winston Snygg),
a human-hater who thinks humans have no soul because they can't
dance.
But while Pushkintucushin and Fornication are treated to some serious
lobotomy, Gaylor works at a strip club, wehre she shows ape-kind what
dancing (and stripping) is - much to the delight of Doctor Cornholeous
(Debbie Rochon), a scientist who believes ape is a descendant of men. So
Cornholeous decides to escape the clutches of Captain Laid together with
her purple friend Dr Queera, her prime specimen Gaylor and Uvala, just
because Gaylor likes to be with her, if you catch my drift.
Fleeing from Captain Laid and his apes, our little group of heroes have
to cross the forbidden zone (where they meet John P.Fedele doing an
amusing Charlton Heston parody) and finally make it to the land of the
Barbarian Queen (Shelby Taylor), a scantily clad pretty blonde capable of
speech who wants to create a new world where man and ape will be able to
live together. After various sexual encounters, Captain Laid and company
have caught up with our heroes, and it culminates in a big battle - which
is only ended when the Missing Link (John Link) descends from the
sky, sings the Ape Man Disco Song, and suddenly everybody is
friends again.
After one last round of sex with Uvala and her ass-tronauts, Gaylor's
spaceship is repared ("It's amazing what a little bit of spit and gum
can do ...") and she says good-bye to all her new-found friends
(including the classic line "And I'll miss you the most, Scarecrow
!") and flies off to the planet she thinks is earth. But it turns out
to be ... The Planet of the Chickens !!!
In my eyes, John Bacchus was always a comedy director first and a
sexfilm-director second - and Play-Mate of the Apes, one of his
funniest films, seems to aptly prove that: Bacchus' anything-goes style of
comedy works just great in the context of a Planet of the Apes-parody
(the film was released shortly after Tim Burton's rather forgettable
remake of the classic film, but with his film, Bacchus tried to stay
closer to the original), virtually all the shortcomings of the film
(especially its inherent and obvious cheapness) work for the movie instead
of against it, the actors and actresses all seem to enjoy doing comedy and
their punchlines are mostly on-point, and apart from that it's just great
when several characters, at random points in the story, just break out
into a song. The sex-scenes on the other hand are nothing special - even
if Misty Mundae is immensely cute in this one -, the best thing about them
often being the preceding pick up lines like "I want to make peace
between our nations." - "I like." or "It's getting
cold here." - "In Russia, we use our bodies to keep each other
warm:"
So seen as a pure sexfilm, Play-Mate of the Apes might not have
all that much to offer, but as a comedy, it is just great.
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