Hot Picks

- There's No Such Thing as Zombies 2020

- Ready for My Close Up 2019

- Village of Doom 1983

- Britney Lost Her Phone 2023

- Morris Men 2023

- Eldritch USA 2023

- The Bouncer 2024

- Taboo: Family Secrets 2024

- Members Club 2024

- DarkGame 2024

- Conjuring the Cult 2024

- Blood Star 2024

- Children of the Pines 2023

- The Convert 2023

- I Feel Fine 2024

- Cash Storm 2024

- Things Will Be Different 2024

- Hidden Within 2023

- Kill 2023

- She Wants Me 2012

- Psychosis 2023

- Harder Than the Rock: The Cimarons Story 2024

- Thank You, Amelia Earhart 2023

- The Unraveling 2023

- Portraits of Dangerous Women 2024

- We Were Tomorrow - Eden 2024

- eVil Sublet 2023

- Backrooms: Realm of the Forgotten 2024

- Lyvia's House 2023

- Mother Nocturna 2022

- Were-Flutter: Quest for Truth 2024

- Door-to-Door Maniac 1961

- Distant Memories 2024

- Abandoned 2014

- Inherit the Witch 2024

- Peak Season 2023

- Dragonkeeper 2024

- Pickleball Is Life: Dill With It 2024

- Escape 2023

- The Deserving 2024

- Sight 2023

- Voice of Shadows 2023

- Creeping Death 2023

- Clawfoot 2023

- A Long Road to Tao 2024

- Once in a Valentine 2024

- The Zombie Wedding 2023

- Who Killed Angel Adams? 2024

- Subservience 2024

- EFC 2024

- The Profane Exhibit 2014

- Call of the Void 2024

- Cheat 2024

- Abacus 2024

- It Gets in Your Blood 2021

- Talk of the Dead 2016

- A Killer Conversation 2014

- First Impressions Can Kill 2017

- Star Crash 1979

- Strangler of the Swamp 1946

Play-Mate of the Apes

USA 2002
produced by
Michael Beckerman (= Michael Raso, executive) for ei Independent Cinema (Seduction)
directed by John Bacchus
starring Misty Mundae (= Erin Brown), Darian Caine, Debbie Rochon, Anoushka, Sharon Engert, Shelby Taylor, Dan Schwab, Zachary Winston Snygg (= John Bacchus), John Link, Terry M. West, John Brady, Larry Wellman, John P. Fedele, E.J. Mays, Kriss Kross, Stephen Steel, Bill Leighton, Bob Serio, Skippy D, Pete Jacelone, John B. Watt
written by John Bacchus, Debbie Rochon, Clancy Fitzsimmons, Joseph Ned, cinematography by Giorgyorgy Benaskovic, editing by George Freeway

review by
Mike Haberfelner

Quick Links

Abbott & Costello

The Addams Family

Alice in Wonderland

Arsène Lupin

Batman

Bigfoot

Black Emanuelle

Bomba the Jungle Boy

Bowery Boys

Bulldog Drummond

Captain America

Charlie Chan

Cinderella

Deerslayer

Dick Tracy

Dr. Mabuse

Dr. Orloff

Doctor Who

Dracula

Edgar Wallace made in Germany

Elizabeth Bathory

Emmanuelle

Fantomas

Flash Gordon

Frankenstein

Frankie & Annette Beach Party movies

Freddy Krueger

Fu Manchu

Fuzzy

Gamera

Godzilla

Hercules

El Hombre Lobo

Incredible Hulk

Jack the Ripper

James Bond

Jekyll and Hyde

Jerry Cotton

Jungle Jim

Justine

Kekko Kamen

King Kong

Laurel and Hardy

Lemmy Caution

Lobo

Lone Wolf and Cub

Lupin III

Maciste

Marx Brothers

Miss Marple

Mr. Moto

Mister Wong

Mothra

The Munsters

Nick Carter

OSS 117

Phantom of the Opera

Philip Marlowe

Philo Vance

Quatermass

Robin Hood

The Saint

Santa Claus

El Santo

Schoolgirl Report

The Shadow

Sherlock Holmes

Spider-Man

Star Trek

Sukeban Deka

Superman

Tarzan

Three Mesquiteers

Three Musketeers

Three Stooges

Three Supermen

Winnetou

Wizard of Oz

Wolf Man

Wonder Woman

Yojimbo

Zatoichi

Zorro

Available on DVD!

To buy, click on link(s) below and help keep this site afloat (commissions earned)

Always make sure of DVD-compatibility!!!


In their spaceship, ass-tronauts Commadner Gaylor (Misty Mundae), Lt. Pushkintucushin (Anoushka) and Lt. Fornication (Sharon Engert - a fake blonde with a bad boob- and a bad lip-job who has spent way too much time in the sun studio) crash onto the planet of the apes, where they before long meet a local (human) girl, Uvala (Darian Caine), who like all the humans on this planet is unable to speak ... and soon enough, they are taken prisoners by the apes, led by Captain Laid (Zachary Winston Snygg), a human-hater who thinks humans have no soul because they can't dance.

But while Pushkintucushin and Fornication are treated to some serious lobotomy, Gaylor works at a strip club, wehre she shows ape-kind what dancing (and stripping) is - much to the delight of Doctor Cornholeous (Debbie Rochon), a scientist who believes ape is a descendant of men. So Cornholeous decides to escape the clutches of Captain Laid together with her purple friend Dr Queera, her prime specimen Gaylor and Uvala, just because Gaylor likes to be with her, if you catch my drift.

Fleeing from Captain Laid and his apes, our little group of heroes have to cross the forbidden zone (where they meet John P.Fedele doing an amusing Charlton Heston parody) and finally make it to the land of the Barbarian Queen (Shelby Taylor), a scantily clad pretty blonde capable of speech who wants to create a new world where man and ape will be able to live together. After various sexual encounters, Captain Laid and company have caught up with our heroes, and it culminates in a big battle - which is only ended when the Missing Link (John Link) descends from the sky, sings the Ape Man Disco Song, and suddenly everybody is friends again.

After one last round of sex with Uvala and her ass-tronauts, Gaylor's spaceship is repared ("It's amazing what a little bit of spit and gum can do ...") and she says good-bye to all her new-found friends (including the classic line "And I'll miss you the most, Scarecrow !") and flies off to the planet she thinks is earth. But it turns out to be ... The Planet of the Chickens !!!

 

In my eyes, John Bacchus was always a comedy director first and a sexfilm-director second - and Play-Mate of the Apes, one of his funniest films, seems to aptly prove that: Bacchus' anything-goes style of comedy works just great in the context of a Planet of the Apes-parody (the film was released shortly after Tim Burton's rather forgettable remake of the classic film, but with his film, Bacchus tried to stay closer to the original), virtually all the shortcomings of the film (especially its inherent and obvious cheapness) work for the movie instead of against it, the actors and actresses all seem to enjoy doing comedy and their punchlines are mostly on-point, and apart from that it's just great when several characters, at random points in the story, just break out into a song. The sex-scenes on the other hand are nothing special - even if Misty Mundae is immensely cute in this one -, the best thing about them often being the preceding pick up lines like "I want to make peace between our nations." - "I like." or "It's getting cold here." - "In Russia, we use our bodies to keep each other warm:"

So seen as a pure sexfilm, Play-Mate of the Apes might not have all that much to offer, but as a comedy, it is just great.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

Feeling lucky?
Want to
search
any of my partnershops yourself
for more, better results?
(commissions earned)

The links below
will take you
just there!!!

Find Play-Mate of the Apes
at the amazons ...

USA  amazon.com

Great Britain (a.k.a. the United Kingdom)  amazon.co.uk

Germany (East AND West)  amazon.de

Looking for imports?
Find Play-Mate of the Apes here ...

Thailand  eThaiCD.com
Your shop for all things Thai


Thanks for watching !!!

 

 

In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

Amazon

Amazon UK

Vimeo

 

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!