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No Such Thing as Monsters

Australia 2019
produced by
Jordan Hendrix, Chris Bastin (executive) for CineViolet Films
directed by Stuart Stanton
starring Angel Giuffria, Matthew Clarke, Michaela Celeste (= Michaela Pascoe), Georgia Crisfield Smith, Rebecca Fortuna, Jacob Fyfe, Rohana Hayes, David Macrae
written by Karen Elgar, Stuart Stanton, music by Jamie Murgatroyd

review by
Mike Haberfelner

Available on DVD !

To buy, click on link(s) below and help keep this site afloat

Always make sure of DVD-compatibility !!!

David (Matthew Clarke) takes his girlfriend Mary (Angel Giuffria) on a camping trip to a lonely and romantic spot in the woods to propose to her - but the beauty of the scenery is somewhat tainted when a quartet of siblings - leader of the bunch Nelly (Michaela Celeste), hot and seductive Becca (Rebecca Fortuna), Elmer (Jacob Fyfe) and masked Amy (Georgia Crisfield Smith - put up camp right next to them. However, they're a nice enough bunch, even apologizing in intruding onto their camping space but claiming it has special meaning to them - and they invite Mary and David over for drinks, which turns out to be a rather lovely evening ... until the siblings kidnap both Mary and David to their home even deeper in the woods where they use David as their breeding stallion while they keep Mary chained up in her trailer. Mary makes numerous attempts to break free and to save David, but the siblings always catch and punish her. But Mary makes a friend in Amy, who wears her mask because of a skin disease and has always felt an outcast, even among her siblings.

Weeks later, Mary learns that not only she is pregnant but also Nelly and Becca (all from David of course), and as long as she is with baby she's relatively safe as the siblings want to keep her baby - but what happens after birth is really up to anyone's guess, but it's to be nothing good as the siblings' mother (Rohana Hayes) tells her she plans to kill David during intercourse. So suddenly time's running out, and Mary has to make up a plan to escape her chains, free David and make a getaway on the quick - but she's only days, maybe even hours, away from giving birth ...


Now of course, much of No Such Thing as Monsters follows the typical backwoods horror formula, down to some of the characters and character constellations - but what makes this movie work is that it on one hand doesn't overplay the backwoods clichés, quite the contrary actually, and on the other the plot of this one adds an extra layer of meanness to the proceedings with the pregnancy angle. And on top of that a very dynamic directorial effort that really makes the most out of the limited sets sees to it that the audience remains at the edges of their seats throughout for a very entertaining horror trip deep into the woods ...


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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner


Out now from




On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide


A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD