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Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String
Lord of the Strings

USA 2002
produced by
Michael Beckerman (= Michael Raso), John Bacchus for ei Independent Cinema (Seduction)
directed by Terry M.West
starring Misty Mundae (= Erin Brown), A.J. Khan, Darian Caine, Barbara Joyce, Michael R.Thomas, John P.Fedele, John Link, Anoushka, Allanah Rhodes, Juliette Charles, Kelli Summers (= Suzi Lorraine), Paige Richards, Ruby LaRocca, Chelsea Mundae, C.J.DiMarsico, Rick Wright, Timothy McBride, Zachary Stone, Gael Rorce, Bob MacKay, Max Wade, William Hellfire, Peter Quarry, T.J.Glenn, Terry Shane, Terry M.West, John Bacchus
written by Terry M. West, music by Josh Robinson, cinematography by Giorgyorgy Benaskovich, editing by George Freeway, make-up by A.J. Khan

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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The chronically drunk magician Smirnoff (Michael R.Thomas) sends the Throbbits Dildo (Misty Mundae), Horny (Darian Caine) and Spam (A.J.Khan) to the Party Pooper Volcano to destroy the legendary, powerful and corrupting G-string of warrior queen Whorespank (Paige Richards), so that it doesn#t fall into the wrong hands, like those of evil wizard Sourass (John P.Fedele).

On their way to the volcano, our three Throbbits face many dangers (and have quite a few sexual encounters), but they also find some friends, like a barmaid (Ruby Larocca) "who is really a goer", two fairies (Anoushka, Allanah Rhodes) and warrior princess Araporn (Barbara Joyce), who even accompanies them.

The last bit of the way though, Dildo goes alone - well, accompanied by Spam - when suddenly Sourass turns up and demands the G-String. But somehow, drunk Smirnoff has it made to the volcano as well and defends the girls in a farting duel in which both wizards perish.

The volcano itself proves to be anti-climactic, it turns out to be merely a guy in a run-down office who couldn't care less about some fabled G-string ... but he tosses it away anyhow.

But since the climax was so unexciting, the film's producer (John Bacchus) allows the girls to have sex with a tree nymph (Juliette Charles) ...


Lord of the G-String is Seduction Cinema at its best: an erotic but also genuinely funny and well acted spoof of the then immensely popular Lord of the Rings films that is at least as hilarious as it is sexy. The lead actresses Misty Mundae, Darian Caine and A.J.Khan are all not only good at getting undressed but have a talent for comedy as well, but the most memorable scenes are probably those with Michael R.Thomas and John P.Fedele fighting - even despite the facts that most of the fart jokes are far from funny. Quite obviously, producer John Bacchus' - otherwise a gifted comedy director - influence can be felt on this movie, because director Terry M.West's other films are not even half as good ...



review © by Mike Haberfelner


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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner


Out now from




On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide


A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD