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The Illuminati hunger for world domination once again, & this time they
need a certain clock to find a certain mystical triangle that's broken into 2
halves, but when one puts the pieces together again, exactly at the time of the
planetary alignment (which happens only every 5000 years, & would you know
it in a few days from now, too), they have a thingie with which to control time
itself, & they send their best disciple, Powell (Iain Glen) out to look for
the clock & the triangle. But oh bugger, the clock is in the possession
of Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie), who has received it from her father (Jon
Voight, Angelina Jolie's real life father) as a present from beyond his grave,
& he tells her she has to save the world by finding & destroying the
halves of the triangle. But oh bollocks, exactly at this time Powell has sent
out his henchmen to storm Lara's mansion, & despite her prowess, & the
fact that she kills a great many of them, they succeed in stealing the clock. Lara
though was never one to stay put for long, so she immediatley hires her army
pals to fly her to Thailand, where, in a temple complex, she
& Powell plus henchies - including Croft's ex-boyfriend/colleague Alex West
(Daniel Craig) - start a race to get their hands on the first half of the
triangle ... & thanks to her intelligence & her dilligence, Lara is not
only able to find the darn thing, but also gets away with it, despite some evil
mechanism bringing to life a great number of stone statues - including a giant
one of Kali. With her half of the triangle, Lara is in a good bargaining
position, & soon enemies Lara & Powell become allies for the time being
- especially since Powell promises her that with the triangle, she can keep her
father from dieing ... Together, Powell & Lara head for Siberia, where,
in the ruined city, the second half of the triangle is supposed to be ... &
it's about time, too, since the planetary alignment is just minutes away ... Of
course, thanks to Lara the second half is found & the 2 halves put
together, but now Lara refuses to cooperate, wanting to keep Powell from doing
evil ... so Powell shoots her ex Alex, just to keep her in line ... & now
Lara has to put the triangle to the test, just to go back in time to save Alex
(for some reason), & oopsie, in the past she happens to meet her father,
who tells her to destory the blasted triangle, because meddling with time ...
well, you know. Lara goes back to the present & does as her father told
her, however somehow Alex still is saved, & the ruined city decides to take
this opportunity to collapse, which means everybody has to flee in a hurry ...
except for Powell & Lara of course, who decide to pick exactly this moment
to duke it out over Lara's father's pocket watch (not the magical one, a real
& simple pocket watch - what are they thinking). To nobody's real
surprise, Lara wins & escapes the collapsing city too, just in time. Created
in 1996 by the British company Core Design for a series of action
oriented videogames, the character Lara Croft was to become something of a
videogame icon, a character almost everybody in remotely the right age for that
kind of thing would instantly recognize. A (Hollywood-)movie-adaptation of
course was inevitable ... The movie, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider proved to be
little better or worse than many other American action flicks of its time,
devoid of anything in terms of originality or even a thought-through approach
to its material, instead flipping through the usual catalogue that films like this at least
tsince he highly derivative Indiana Jones-series steal
from: a massive dose of elements from 1930's serials, scenes lifted directly
from Ray Harryhausen's Sindbad-films, the occasional nod to the Doctor
Who-logic of timetravel, & watered-down stunts lifted from Hong
Kong action flicks. This might now make the movie worse than it actually is,
since the story at least keeps the action up at a reasonable pace - despite
some unbelievably sappy scenes -, but for some reason the best action scene was
put at the beginning of the movie, when Lara fights her pet killerrobot in a
training session, while the fistfight at the end is a real letdown. The
bigger letdown though is that the irony of the concept - a big-breasted
sexy archeologist in shorts gunning down men by the number - is totally lost on
the cast (except for Chris Barrie, who puts as much humour
as possible into his limited role), which is not helped at all that Angelina Jolie, who
certainly looks the part, but is supposed to be British, & certainly misses
the special kind of humour to convincingly deliver her
flippant remarks, & as a result they sound more like pedestrian action hero(ine) oneliners. So, if you want to see a scantily clad gun-wielding girl
who can really deliver funny lines (& takes her bra - & everything else
- off too, for that matter), I'd suggest you rather watch Seduction
Cinema's Lara Croft-spoof Misty
Mundae, Mummy Raider !
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find Lara Croft: Tomb Raider at adultvideouniverse.com
