Jack (Kris Black) is a Hollywood producer with way too much money and way too many false friends. And he owns a house that was built by his grandpa (Peter Onorati) and pretty much left unchanged since then. On his deathbed, Jack's father (Joe Mantegna) made Jack vow to leave the house unchanged because grandpa wanted it that way ... but Jack has a recurring nightmare of grandpa killing his mother (Gail O'Grady), so his intentions to do his gramps a favour are pretty limited - and thus he has the whole house torn down and built a new one from scratch.

Jack has a big housewarming party with all his true and false friends, and one after the other, his friends are killed - though nobody seems to notice it. Finally, the few survivors find the dead bodies that are already piling up and have to realize it's a fight for life and death, and finally the killer reveals himself to Jack, and it's ... grandpa's ghost. But then the ghosts of Jack's mom and dad show up to save him, and they push grandpa's ghost off a balcony to his death ... and before you ask, let me assure you, I have no idea how a ghost can be killed by a fall from the balcony.

Despite the ghost story premise, this film pretty much follows your typical slasher formula - clueless people getting killed. And it's not even a good slasher - main problem is, the characters are all just empty shells. True, much time is wasted with them talking to each other, but they just have nothing to say, and at best they come across as caricatures. Plus, the cocktail party premise makes the film just that - a cocktail party full of meaningless chitter-chatter - rather than anything resembling a suspense piece. In fact, for the most time, the murders seem to have been thrown into the mix rather at random, and the fact that nobody seems to even notice that people are killed constantly and bloodily in this one doesn't only seem odd, it doesn't help either.

And as for the finale (when our heroes finally realize they are up against something): couldn't the filmmakers come up with anything better to fight ghosts than a fistfight? A fistfight that ends with one ghost falling off a balcony? I mean, this is really too much ...

review � by Mike Haberfelner

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

now streaming at

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Vimeo

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
is all of that.

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to -
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

Out now from
Amazon!!!