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The Cave

USA/Germany 2005
produced by
Gary Lucchesi, Andrew Mason, Michael Ohoven, Tom Rosenberg, Richard S. Wright, Neil Bluhm (executive), Judd Malkin (executive), Marco Mehlitz (executive) for Lakeshore, Cinerenta, City Productions, Cineblue
directed by Bruce Hunt
starring Cole Hauser, Eddie Cibrian, Morris Chestmut, Lena headey, Piper Perabo, Rick Ravanello, Daniel Dae Kim, Kieran Darcy-Smith, Marcel Iures, Vlad Radescu, Simon Kunz, David Kennedy, Alin Panc, Zoltan Butuc, Brian Steele
written by Michael Steinberg, Tegan West, music by Reinhold Heil, Johnny Klimek, creature and make up effects by Patrick Tatopoulos Design Inc, visual effects by Luma Pictures

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Available on DVD!

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30 years ago, scientists discovered a cave system beneath a church deep in the mountains of Romania, but then a land slide buried the church, and them with it, under tons and tons of rocks.

Now: Scientist Doc Nicolai (Marcel Iures) hires a team of divers/climbers led by Jeff (Cole Hauser) just like a military platoon to help him explore the cave because ... beats me, anyways, the good Doctor has a pretty female biologist, Cathy (Lena Heady), at hand, who will eventually serve as love interest for Jack's brother Tyler (Eddie Cibrian). The biologist is there because ... nope, sorry, this also beats me.

Anyways, as these stories go, The whole group dives and climbs and hikes into the cabe system when suddenly a cave-in cuts them off from the outer world, and now they have to go searching for a way out. Thing is, there are monsters in this cave, and they are actually the people from the landslide 30 years ago mutated into, well mutant monsters (looking like a cross-breed of a gargoyle and the creature from the Alien-series of films - well, so much for originality). Of course, the mutant mosnters are all very evil and before you know it they have killed Doc Nicolai, and Strode (Kieran Darcy-Smith) and Charlie (Piper Perabo) from Jeff's team, and one of them has wounded Jeff, who slowly starts mutating into a mutant monster, but still he - always the good guy - is hell-bent of getting his platoon out of here, even if some of the team don't trust him and pay for it with their lives (not at his hands, and the full-grown mutant monsters' hands).

Eventually, everything leads to a showdown where Jeff takes on the mutant monsters in one-on-one combat and pretty much defeats/kills them all, and finally he causes another cave-in to eliminate the monsters (including himself) for good, but not before showing the survivors of his group - his brother Tyler and biologist Cathy as well as the token black guy (Morris Chestnut), exactly the threesome everyone would have guessed on being the survivors right from the beginning - a way out.

Thing is, Cathy might be a mutant too ...

 

A horror film set in the confined space of a cave system, now that might be an interesting idea ... but unfotunately, director Bruce Hunt gives a hoot about the horror aspects of the story and instead treats the whole thing like an action spectacle - which causes the whole thing to fall flat on its chest. That the actors are uniformly terrible and are forced to play utterly uninteresting and unlikeable characters making their way through a bloodless script of course doesn't help the film one bit either, and the whole military drill with which the group is run is simply repulsive and does further strip the film of its effectiveness. On a positive note, the finale involving Jeff fighting the mutant monsters and causing a cave-in is pretty impressive (if silly), but that's much too little much too late.

Rather not watch it !!!

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Thanks for watching !!!

 

 

In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

Amazon

Amazon UK

Vimeo

 

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
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