Hot Picks

- Ready for My Close Up 2019

- Talk of the Dead 2016

- Script of the Dead 2024

- The Bell Affair 2023

- Easter Bloody Easter 2024

- Velma 2022

- Everwinter Night 2023

- Main Character Energy 2023

- Stupid Games 2024

- Bittertooth 2023

- 4 Minutes of Terror: Night Slasher 2024

- Apart 2024

- The Abandoned 2006

- Becky 2024

- The Evil Fairy Queen 2024

- The Black Guelph 2022

- Followers 2024

- Silence of the Prey 2024

- Battle for the Western Front 2024

- Beware the Boogeyman 2024

- Subject 101 2022

- Driftwood 2023

- The Legend of Lake Hollow 2024

- Black Mass 2023

- Skinwalkers: American Werewolves 2 2023

- The Manifestation 2024

- Spirit Riser 2024

- Garden of Souls 2019

- It's a Wonderful Slice 2024

- Caleb & Sarah 2024

- The Thousand Steps 2020

- The Desiring 2021

- When a Stranger Knocks 2024

- Quint-essentially Irish 2024

- Son of Gacy 2024

- Saltville 2024

- The True Story of the Christ's Return 2024

- Whenever I'm Alone with You 2023

- Jurassic Triangle 2024

- Midnight Peepshow 2022

- Offworld: Alien Planet 2024

- The Swiss Conspiracy 1976

- Sex-Positive 2024

- Here for Blood 2022

- All Over Again 2024

- The Color Yellow 2023

- Des Töchterleins Leid 2024

- I Am a Channel 2024

- The Hermits 2023

- Murdaritaville 2024

- Inheritance 2024

- The Devil's Partner 1960

- Pareidolia 2023

- First Impressions Can Kill 2017

- A Killer Conversation 2014

- Star Crash 1979

- Strangler of the Swamp 1946

Bite Me!

USA 2004
produced by
Michael Raso (= Michael Beckerman, executive), Jeff Faoro (associate) for ei Independent Cinema (Shock-O-Rama)
directed by Brett Piper
starring Misty Mundae (= Erin Brown), Julian Wells, Rob Monkiewicz, Erika Smith, Michael R. Thomas, Caitlin Ross, Sylvianne Chebance, John P. Fedele, Carl Burrows, David Fine, Justin Wingenfeld, Chris Mimikos, Igor Fernandez, Tanisha, James Jankiewicz, Tom Taggart
written by Brett Piper, music by Jon Greathouse, special effects by Brett Piper

review by
Mike Haberfelner

Quick Links

Abbott & Costello

The Addams Family

Alice in Wonderland

Arsène Lupin

Batman

Bigfoot

Black Emanuelle

Bomba the Jungle Boy

Bowery Boys

Bulldog Drummond

Captain America

Charlie Chan

Cinderella

Deerslayer

Dick Tracy

Dr. Mabuse

Dr. Orloff

Doctor Who

Dracula

Edgar Wallace made in Germany

Elizabeth Bathory

Emmanuelle

Fantomas

Flash Gordon

Frankenstein

Frankie & Annette Beach Party movies

Freddy Krueger

Fu Manchu

Fuzzy

Gamera

Godzilla

Hercules

El Hombre Lobo

Incredible Hulk

Jack the Ripper

James Bond

Jekyll and Hyde

Jerry Cotton

Jungle Jim

Justine

Kekko Kamen

King Kong

Laurel and Hardy

Lemmy Caution

Lobo

Lone Wolf and Cub

Lupin III

Maciste

Marx Brothers

Miss Marple

Mr. Moto

Mister Wong

Mothra

The Munsters

Nick Carter

OSS 117

Phantom of the Opera

Philip Marlowe

Philo Vance

Quatermass

Robin Hood

The Saint

Santa Claus

El Santo

Schoolgirl Report

The Shadow

Sherlock Holmes

Spider-Man

Star Trek

Sukeban Deka

Superman

Tarzan

Three Mesquiteers

Three Musketeers

Three Stooges

Three Supermen

Winnetou

Wizard of Oz

Wolf Man

Wonder Woman

Yojimbo

Zatoichi

Zorro

Available on DVD!

To buy, click on link(s) below and help keep this site afloat (commissions earned)

Always make sure of DVD-compatibility!!!

Ralph (Michael R.Thomas) runs a run-down little strip club in the middle of nowhere, and to keep it from taken over by neighbourhood bitch Teresa (Julian Wells), he gets into a bit of drugdealing. What he hasn't taken into account though is that the Marihuana that has just been delivered to him is actually from a gouvernment lab and is infested by bizarre bugs which love to suck blood ... and of course, before you know it, the bugs have escaped the crate the Marihuana is kept in and bite Ralph's tough-as-nails waitress Gina (Sylvianne Chebance), who first turns into a zombielike klutz and later into a raving lesbian. Soon too, the bugs have bitten Teresa, who suddenly turns first into a stripper then into a raving lesbian as well ... and before long, Gina and Teresa become inseperable.

It doesn't take Ralph long to realize that a club full of bugs is bad for business, so he hires retarded exterminator Buzz (Rob Monkiewicz) to solve his little problem - but when Buzz sprays the bugs with insectizide, he only makes them grow ... Oh, and a mad (ex-)agent from the DEA (John P.Fedele) doesn't exactly make things easier too.

Eventually, the bugs bite one of Ralph's strippers, Crystal (Misty Mundae), and to everyone's surprise, Crystal doesn't turn into a raving lesbian but into an action heroine, and together with Buzz and with the help of guns, dynamite and whatever else there is, the two of them kill the bugs including several bug-mutants - even if that means to blow up the whole stripjoint - and save the very few remaining survivors.

All's well that ends well ?

In a way, but the last scene shows a bug emerge from the strip-joint's rubble that is as big as a house ...

Erika Smith and Caitlin Ross play strippers, one a total klutz (Smith) and one totally spaced out (Ross).

 

At times, Bite Me ! is really a fun film - a B-movie about a bug-invasion including several mutants and the like can't be all bad, especially if it refuses to take itself seriously -, but ultimately the film fails on the story- and character-level. Somehow the story just refuses to come together, it's just a sequence of story elements, some of which are pretty good while others suck, but being placed next to each other, they lack coherence. And the characters totally fail to come to life, on one hand they are completely one-dimensional, on the other they seem to totally change without warning (why is Misty suddenly an action heroine, why is the doofus exterminator suddenly a walking encyclopedia, how does the DEA-agent fit into the story, why is Gina introduced as tough-as-nails fighter only to later not exploit her talents, ...). Another thing that is wrong with the film is the lack of suspense, after all this is a horror flick - even if it's done tongue-in-cheek -, yet it seriously lacks tension, and the indifferent music doesn't help one bit either ...

This all said, Bite Me ! isn't all bad, taken as an intentionally silly, old fashioned shocker about killer bugs, it's at least at times fun to watch, and it's a lot less embarrassing than many comparable big Hollywood pictures made for (at least) 100 times the budget ... just do not expect anything too great either.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

Feeling lucky?
Want to
search
any of my partnershops yourself
for more, better results?
(commissions earned)

The links below
will take you
just there!!!

Find Bite Me!
at the amazons ...

USA  amazon.com

Great Britain (a.k.a. the United Kingdom)  amazon.co.uk

Germany (East AND West)  amazon.de

Looking for imports?
Find Bite Me! here ...

Thailand  eThaiCD.com
Your shop for all things Thai

Something naughty?
(Must be over 18 to go there!)

x-rated  find Bite Me! at adultvideouniverse.com


Thanks for watching !!!

 

 

In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

Amazon

Amazon UK

Vimeo

 

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!