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USA 1989
produced by
Jeffrey C. Hogue, Tom Howard (executive), Dan Q. Kennis (executive) for American Independent, Majestic International
directed by Fred Olen Ray
starring Jan-Michael Vincent, John Phillip Law, Ross Hagen, Dyana Ortelli, Jesse Dabson, Dawn Wildsmith, P.J. Soles, Robert Clarke, Richard Wiley, Teagan Clive, Leo Gordon, Robert Quarry, Fox Harris, Hoke Howell, Jay Richardson, Dan Golden, Joe Zimmerman, Kathy Brett, Joseph Pilato, Jeffrey C. Hogue, Grant Austin Waldman
written by Paul Garson, music by Chuck Cirino, special effects by Cleve Hall, Mark Williams, cinematography by Gary Graver

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Kol (Ross Hagen), a rebel leader, escapes from the penal planet run by an extremely sadistic and kill-crazy, self-righteous warden (Jan-Michael Vincent) and in the course of his escape crashlands on earth, where he runs in front of a van. Unfortunately the four teens (Richard Wiley, Dyana Ortelli, Jesse Dabson, Dawn Wildsmith) driving the van are abunch of unorganized assholes, especially Rick (Wiley), the actual driver of the van, who soon enough suggests to shoot Kol. Eventually though, they get Kol to the next ranger station where Kol tells them that the penal planet will soon enough send a hunter after him, the Alienator (Teagan Clive), a very butch woman robot in very short outfits who looks anything but sexy but who seems to be virtually indestructible - only a net might eventually short-circuit her ...

The Alienator has come to earth soon enough and starts killing people left and right, including a Doctor (Robert Quarry) and two poachers (Fox Harris, Hoke Howell) before taking up the fight with Kol, the four teens, the ranger (John Phillip Law) and an ex-army guy (Leo Gordon) who just happens to store any number of weapons - including a landmine - in his shack.

Our team of heroes (well ...) takes virtually forever to figure out that the Alienator is more or less indestructible and try out the net - about which Kol has told them long ago - which really shuts the Alienator down. It's only now that Kol shows his true colours, takes over Rick's body and tries to rape his girlfriend before everybody's eyes. Eventually though the Alienator comes back to life, decapitates Kol/Rick and gives our small gang of heroes some diamonds to make up for all the terror she has brought to everyone - though I doubt that will bring either the Doctor or the poachers back to life ...


1980's B-science fiction at its worst: The story has such reactionary tendencies to it it almost makes you want to puke, the dialogue is simply horrible, the teens are such an unlikeable bunch you almost wish for them to be killed, and the looks and outfit of the Alienator are so outrageously bad it almost makes you laugh.

And if you now think these are actually reasons for watching the movie as an unintentional comedy ... it doesn't even work in that respect.


review © by Mike Haberfelner


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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner


Out now from




On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide


A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD