After Adam (Mark Gregory) climbs out of a larva, he finds himself in paradise - but all alone. So he builds himself a (very female looking) mate out of sand, and when the rain washes the sand away, it reveals a naked female, Eve (Andrea Goldman), and for a time there, paradise is a true paradise. But Eve gets bored soon, it's the same here day in day out, no excitement or challenge at all ... so when the snake offers her to have a bite of an apple, she does so against Adam's warning. Adam is weak enough to follow her example, and soon enough they have sex and are then expelled from paradise by some force of nature.

Out in the real world, they discover they are no longer comfortable in the nude, they discover pterodactyls are some mean sons of bitches but are edible and their wings make good material for bikini tops, and they discover dissent. So while Adam wants to go to the sea where all life started, Eve decides to stay behind, and she's soon captured by some natives (yeah, I know it doesn't make much sense) but saved by a cro-magnon (�ngel Alc�zar) she soon falls in love with. Adam in the meantime comes to the conclusion searching for the sea is no fun on his own, but when he wants to return to Eve, he spots her having sex with her new lover and decides to forget her ... but then cro-magnon's tribe is attacked by cannibals and Eve and her lover are captured - but Adam saves the both of them. Adam and cro-magnon soon fight over who's the alpha male, and when cro-magnon kills a bear and then defeats Adam in a one-on-one fight, he thinks he has won ... but Eve decides to stay with Adam anyhow, and cro-magnon lets them be.

Adam impregnates Eve, and then winter comes, and when Adam builds an igloo for Eve and the ice breaks beneath them ... he finds out he has found the sea, and they're swimming right on it. In spring, Adam buys fire from a native in exchange for a few fish, then Eve has her kid in the water ...

Adam and Eve is a weird one indeed, as it does start out as a bible adaptation, focusing on the story's naughty bits though, then veers off into your typical stone age fantasy replete with dinosaurs, missing links and all, and some of the dialogue (Adam and Eve actually talk and not just grunt) suggests comedy, something that's totally lost on the actors at least, who play it 100% straight - and really don't show too much talent at that, either.

What remains is a delightful piece of trashy 1980's weirdness, something that's certainly not a good movie - but good fun at least, if for all the wrong reasons ...

review � by Mike Haberfelner

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
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love and death and everything in between,
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Your Bones to
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Your Bones to
the new anthology by
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